lapis lazuli

(The song that goes to this post is alberto balsalm by aphex twin)

I haven't posted in awhile, ever since my computer broke and I started using my Iphone to connect to the virtual world and such. It's very strange to write a post without my images handy, but it was getting to the point it needed to be done. And, after the last post, I feel as though I should explore what words and words alone can do. 

(Transition)

I seek to surround myself with other people who see meaning in the everyday, in the "small things", as they say. But these things aren't actually so small, and maybe that's what I'm trying to get at- that it's those people who see the big in the small who I care to communicate with most. It's not about the "deeper meaning" of something, for that excludes all other sorts of directions. What about higher meanings, cross-hatched meanings, upside-down meanings, and, of course, directionless meanings? Since meaning is technically nowhere, meaning is simultaneously everywhere, in seemingly insignificant gestures, in fleeting conversations, in those semi-private moments when we are moved to smile without anyone to smile to.

(Sometimes I wonder if my blog posts are all about the same thing, written in a different way)

While visiting my grandpa at a nursing home, my brother was starting to freak out about growing old. I was the best person he could have possibly been with when it happened, since I have been afraid of growing up for so long that I have taught myself what to say to myself if and when the panic begins, for the sake of living life as a socially acceptable human being in most cases. The trick is simply to not think about the future. Nor to think too long about the past, for that matter, since thinking about anything but the present is inevitably a load of stress. If it's the future, you're dealing with the unknown, the great abyss, the potential downfall of humankind!!! If you're thinking about the past, you're still dealing with the unknown, but this time you can't do anything about it. It's over. No freedom, in the past, my friends. So let us focus on being alive, sitting here in this moment, bellies satisfied, with our eyes and our minds intact enough to read this sentence, for the present is all we need to be happy.

(To be continued)