i spend so much time writing through an institutional lens - a privilege, no doubt - that i want, at times, to see my own contours. its something i should put into practice more: to write down those thoughts that are my own, to put a frame around my mind every once in awhile as it, of course, wanders and grows. i want to make a record of what i believe right now - just an unfiltered list, let's see what comes out - and, years from now, revisit it and repost it with detailed annotations next to the items that no longer fit my criteria.
something ive been trying to work out especially lately is how important it is to have an immutable, i-will-argue-for-it- type of belief system, one that remains steady on issues both personal and political. i say this for two reasons: a) as you get older, people expect you to be more set in your ways and b) because i've noticed that people increasingly enjoy taking a solid side on any given topic, regardless the degree to which they know about the issue. taking my usual stance that 'every stance has a point' doesn't seem to work in conversation anymore: if im metaphorically swimming in a sea of beliefs, where everyone is right at least some of the time, my friends and foes alike are picking me up in their boats and bringing me back to the shore, where the shouting people are! the internet! the comments!
anyway, the list is coming. but this stems from a place of thinking the world is inherently contradictory lately, that we're having trouble as a civilization finding a difference between dualism and balance. one polarizes us by creating separate categories of everything, and the other reckons with the categories and finds stability and a center amid chaos. i want to exist at that center, and to a certain extent that's the only place i find myself and it's a little troubling philosophically because i don't see very many other people here. deep down, my life's concern is bringing about the joy in humanity and i focus myself more than anything on the state of the planet's happiness, and what worlds we're building with our words. with that said,
i believe you dont need to be political to be cool
i believe in saying yes
i believe in harnessing the wind
i believe there is a connection between music and art,
and dance and flight
i believe in killing several birds with one stone
i believe in bringing people together who are strangers to each other
i believe in stretching in public
i believe in eating in the sun
i believe we're part of the same consciousness
i believe in female goddess power
i believe we're all trying our best
i believe distraction is a tool
i believe in making displays out of items at the thrift store
and not buying any of them
i believe life's too short to be embarrassed
i believe we've forgotten how to spell
i believe stories are more real than memories
i believe love is magic
i believe love is limitless
i believe our bodies are in crisis
i believe in protecting our water
i believe in focusing on myself
i believe in throwing extravagant parties
and buying pinatas and shrines for the sake of a good invitation
i believe in killing them with kindness
i believe in letting people off the hook
i believe in making it work
i believe in writing on public transit
i believe in keeping it short
and that the world is beautiful
and that you should never take more than you need
brandi read
"you are not merely a collection of thoughts and ideas
and i was in that zone between early and late to the bus.
work was work.
a journalist called me without one decent idea -
but she did take my suggestions.
the story ideas appealed to my boss,
who i ended up talking to for an hour and a half after 5.
my roommates were unwinding when i got home, and they helped me cook
an excess of kale.
it was a monday, by the way
so i went to yoga, and we have a really talkative sub right now
she came up to me while i was in happy baby
and grabbed my biceps.
she says, in a tedtalk she watched,
someone somewhere said something along the lines of
it is rare for a woman to have both beauty and power,
and that i should watch out.
a stranger on the walk home stopped me to ask if i had a great class
holding my yoga mat i said, yes, i did thanks
and i kept walking.
a man clutching noisy toddlers on each hand
joked, 'y'all actin like you had a drink!'
as i walked into the corner store.
i forgot my money
but the cashier taught me how to use apple wallet
and i spent a moment reveling in that.
my roommates were already on the couch
sitting, texting, waiting for me
to start the next episode of bachelor in paradise when i got home.
today netted out at zero.
there were no lows, no highs,
no losses or wins
nothing extraordinary to me or anyone else.
just an unremarkable day,
for once
chloe wise
'literally me' series
im reading michelle tea's 'how to grow up,' a memoir about her evolution from punk to published writer which i actually purchased (used on amazon for $5) after reading a review that it is like getting advice from an older sister you never had. where would i be if i took this advice? probably writing a memoir. probably a published writer. probably a bit more grown up. it's been hard to put down, for every page i turn is another life lesson i could experience from the comfort of standing on the bus on my way home from work. i'm not sure a paragraph has ever resonated with me more:
"when it's hard for you to grow up--because you're poor and can't afford the trinkets and milestones of adulthood, or you're gay and the mating rites of passage don't seem to apply to you, or you are sensitive to the world's injustices and decided long ago that if being a grown-up means being an asshole you'll carry out your days in Neverland with the rest of the Lost Children, thank you very much--when adulthood seems somehow off-limits to you, growing up takes time. you have to want it, and then you have to make a lot of changes. some changes you make consciously and some without knowing it, and some changes get made for you. it's so much work i forgot i was even engaged in it; it just became life."
now, my best ideas take the form of abstract images or metaphors that sink into my pysche and stand in for what the thing really is. most recently, growing up makes me picture michaelangelo chiseling down david's supple boy body, making him a man. by removing, by paring down, you sophisticate. it's like the idea that boxes breed creativity, because nothing is more motivating than being stuck in a box. we thrive on limitations; it's what reveals our inner strength. and in a world full of choice--where surviving is the easy part, and choosing is what's hard--we don't have enough limitations to want to break free of any of them. maybe growing up is creating your own.
i havent bought cheese from the store in almost a year. with that comes a renewed interest in the phrase "anything is possible." if i can chisel something out of my life that i used to eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner (and second dinner), then what else am i capable of? what dairy-free opportunity awaits in my midst? when you remove one of your top priorities in life, what will move up in its place?
we are looking at david's defining features - his tight torso. his puckered-in stomach, his toned arms - and are thinking about him beating goliath.
