Friday, December 23, 2016

the perfect christmas






happy holidays











fanny tavastila











i have to admit something. usually i think christmas is pretty lame. all the hallmark holiday cheer, the same decorations out each year without fail - yes, the neighbors have had the same nativity scene for so long the heads of mary and jesus are pale from sun damage - and of course the major lead up to a day that simply passes like the rest of them. some ups, some downs, and overall still a real, rather than magical, day. (i've looked everywhere to find magic, travelled all over the world, but everything is real, i have confirmed, and you can't easily escape that fact).

but here's the shocker: im looking forward to christmas this year. my eyes sparkle in the strung christmas lights and my heart delights at seeing the snowflakes floating in the air outside my window.  i feel like frank sanatra. christmas music settles my soul and i watch the yuletide log on netflix with a hat and mittens on so i can actually feel the heat. nikki and i even bought a miniature (but real!) christmas tree and trimmed it with gold chains, dead flowers, cat toys, and other small mementos from around the apartment. i bring - no, i am - the christmas spirit. 

christmas commericals on youtube put tears in my eyes. i have turned the christmas tree into a shrine with my stuffed animal sheep collection at the base, to emulate snow. christmas is like a wave of pine scented candle washing over me. im literally watching polar express right now and i bought tickets i cant afford to the nutrcracker ballet next week. im reading a book about winter i received for christmas last year and my favorite chapter? the one about christmas, of course.

in that book, i learned that the holiday is pagan in origin, which i like. its about worshipping the cycle of the sun, illuminating candles in its name in the otherwise dark, silent night that is the winter season. channukah is also about lighting candles for this very reason. but this post is about christmas, obviously.

the author adam gopnik sees a dual purpose of the festival at play: that of reversal, and renewal. on christmas, we do the opposite of what we might consider rational: we dedicate the hours of the day to giving rather than receiving resources, and congregate with others of disparate interests and political dispositions, purposely. thus the observers of christmas turn the day into a holiday through a reversal of normal behavior.

but this process of christmas is also, in a way, suppose to renew us: george bailey realizes there's no place like bedford falls, and scrooge ends up giving tiny tim a turkey. they cast aside their obligations to the capitalist wheelhouse and lift their eyes to see they have a family, a community, one perhaps that's been there the whole time. george grasps the value of his average life, scrooge can finally give without receiving. on christmas there are miracles, and not only do reindeers fly, people transform into a better, frankly more likable version of themselves.

we're supposed to remember we're loved and that we love ourselves, which is something i personally think should be celebrated everyday, or at least i don't know how people live if they don't. i think that contributes to why gopnik eventually argues this reversal and renewal thing on the same day ends up leading to a lot of anxiety and holiday-induced depression. so wait, we can only find love and joy if we completely reverse the norms of the world we live in? well, that's uplifting.

he has a point. the myth that christmas will finally cure all the ills of the year, giving way to a brand new one only seven short sleeps away, puts a lot of pressure on us to make the renewal work. it puts a lot of pressure on us at the mall deciding what to buy our estranged family members so they believe our relationship exists. we are all striving to make it the perfect day. and for christmas sake, i would like for us all to let go of that.

this year i have let go of thinking that the same sun-damaged nativity scene on my neighbors lawn is lame. i have let go of how cheesy i think ugly sweater parties are, and i feel instead like being that girl in the meme whose eyes are like, really wide (over-attached girlfriend i believe) while wearing a wintry rudolph-themed ensemble drinking eggnog out of a solo cup. i've embraced all of its outlandishness, its stupidity and turned it into a joke, a source of internal laughter at every wreath, ornament, and bulb i see.

the greatest part about christmas is that it has so many expectations and traditions that it by necessity never fails to surprise us. you imagine it one way, and it goes another. christmas just magnifies this truth of life, that nothing goes as planned and that to live, to enjoy is to embrace what sometimes doesn't work out the way you wish it would. christmas may not be magical, but its our attempt at making it magical, year after year, for no apparent reason, knowing it fails, that brings out the best in us.

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adela andea