balance and the art of figure skating

i've been asked to write on the topic of balance for a friend's *secret* project. posting here now, with the intent to update once its public with further contextualization.

growing up and training as a figure skater, i see balance not as when two scales strike equilibrium, but as a constant state of being. balance is the grounding that makes all else possible, the foundation of skating and life itself.

the most basic units of skating are edges, or the angle at which the blade hits the ice during each stroke; whether the angle is upright or too far to one side or another, forward or backward, determines whether you'll leave the rink with a wet ass or wind-swept hair. a trained skater intuits the microadjustments that need to be made not only to stay balanced, but to deftly switch between directions and build on the edges with more complicated turns, loops, and curves.

perpetually fighting gravity, the body acts as a counterweight in relation to the edge, lifting the skate up and out of the ice like a yogi lifting up and out of their crown. as much weight as you have invested in one direction, you must invest in the other, and invest upwards. the result is the gliding, frictionless motion that makes skating travel so far and so fast, and so inherently different than walking. the basic and necessary state of balance - the perfect, shape-shifting synchronization of body and blade - supports everything else that is added to it, from endless spins to fast footwork to gravity-defying jumps.

losing balance isn't an option on the ice, and it has never felt like an option in my life. the need for balance - to stay up, to keep all parts of myself together and supporting one another - is what drove me to be as intense a student as i was an athlete and social butterfly, and, on a literal level, to pursue both the beautiful art of figure skating and to play on a hockey team. each time i stepped onto the ice it was like i was able to reset to the center, never becoming more aggressive than graceful or vice versa. my skating - hockey and figure - has become a sort of grounding metaphor for my identity and the way i see myself in the world. growing up, i saw others as more opinionated and defined; they seemed to have a singular raison d'etre which allowed them to fit a mold, to make sense, to know what table they were going to sit down at for lunch. torn between groups, people, teams - i thought that my identity had just been late to bloom.

in my adult life, i now see that who i truly am has been there all along. i am now at peace with the fact that i cannot be easily defined in one way or another, rough or graceful, wild or disciplined; rather, i am most comfortable when at the center of various extremes. ive learned to embrace the unique fluidness or 'bothness' that has allowed me to be as ardent a free spirit as i am a professional, as open as i am responsible, as coquettish as i am emotionally intelligent. my identity is not mutually exclusive.

in relationships, in scholarship, and as a professional, my worldview starts from a place of knowing the world is not black or white, and if it seems so, then it is not the whole picture. truth, to me, is like balance: it is supported with both sides of the story. i owe it to skating that this notion of balance is innate within me, a constant state of being that supports both the contradictions that exist in my life and that exist within the world. it has granted me the ability to see that everyone has a point, to be generous with others and their ideas; to host a technicolor, shape-shifting notion of truth. balance, when applied to skating and to life, is what makes beauty possible.

~ ~ ~

chasing pleasure

it's not if the glass is half empty or half full,

it's that it's refillable

-lady named bobbi

i cant really control the size of these pictures

i'm working with an artist right now who says his work is

'juste pour le plaisir des yeux'

or

'just for the pleasure of the eyes'

whenever you encounter something beautiful,

i hope you might think of me

(unless you don't know me)

~ ~ ~

lilli carre 

vince mckelvie

 jacob brostrup 

david stenbeck

duo quintessenz

oscar nussio

laura bifano

rebecca chaperon

casey weldon

alejandro carpintero

alexandra lekias

i see my self

"the paradox is that whatever you resist persists - 

the more you resist something the stronger it gets."

- inner worlds, outer worlds

artem chebokha

nur nielfa

@0073.UV

henrik aarrestad uldalen

i spend so much time writing through an institutional lens - a privilege, no doubt - that i want, at times, to see my own contours. its something i should put into practice more: to write down those thoughts that are my own, to put a frame around my mind every once in awhile as it, of course, wanders and grows. i want to make a record of what i believe right now - just an unfiltered list, let's see what comes out - and, years from now, revisit it and repost it with detailed annotations next to the items that no longer fit my criteria.

something ive been trying to work out especially lately is how important it is to have an immutable, i-will-argue-for-it- type of belief system, one that remains steady on issues both personal and political. i say this for two reasons: a) as you get older, people expect you to be more set in your ways and b) because i've noticed that people increasingly enjoy taking a solid side on any given topic, regardless the degree to which they know about the issue. taking my usual stance that 'every stance has a point' doesn't seem to work in conversation anymore: if im metaphorically swimming in a sea of beliefs, where everyone is right at least some of the time, my friends and foes alike are picking me up in their boats and bringing me back to the shore, where the shouting people are! the internet! the comments!


anyway, the list is coming. but this stems from a place of thinking the world is inherently contradictory lately, that we're having trouble as a civilization finding a difference between dualism and balance. one polarizes us by creating separate categories of everything, and the other reckons with the categories and finds stability and a center amid chaos. i want to exist at that center, and to a certain extent that's the only place i find myself and it's a little troubling philosophically because i don't see very many other people here. deep down, my life's concern is bringing about the joy in humanity and i focus myself more than anything on the state of the planet's happiness, and what worlds we're building with our words. with that said,

i believe you dont need to be political to be cool

i believe in saying yes

i believe in harnessing the wind

i believe there is a connection between music and art,
and dance and flight

i believe in killing several birds with one stone

i believe in bringing people together who are strangers to each other

i believe in stretching in public

i believe in eating in the sun

i believe we're part of the same consciousness

i believe in female goddess power

i believe we're all trying our best

i believe distraction is a tool

i believe in making displays out of items at the thrift store
and not buying any of them

i believe life's too short to be embarrassed

i believe we've forgotten how to spell

i believe stories are more real than memories

i believe love is magic

i believe love is limitless

i believe our bodies are in crisis

i believe in protecting our water

i believe in focusing on myself

i believe in throwing extravagant parties
and buying pinatas and shrines for the sake of a good invitation

i believe in killing them with kindness

i believe in letting people off the hook

i believe in making it work

i believe in writing on public transit

i believe in keeping it short
and that the world is beautiful
and that you should never take more than you need

brandi read

"you are not merely a collection of thoughts and ideas 

because behind the thoughts 

is the one witnessing them"

 boo mitford

~ ~ ~

the unremarkable day

the unremarkable day

i had quite the unremarkable day today

the sky was white, but the air was warm

and i was in that zone between early and late to the bus.

work was work.

a journalist called me without one decent idea -

but she did take my suggestions.

the story ideas appealed to my boss,

who i ended up talking to for an hour and a half after 5.

my roommates were unwinding when i got home, and they helped me cook

an excess of kale.

it was a monday, by the way

so i went to yoga, and we have a really talkative sub right now

she came up to me while i was in happy baby

and grabbed my biceps.

she says, in a tedtalk she watched,

someone somewhere said something along the lines of

it is rare for a woman to have both beauty and power,

and that i should watch out.

a stranger on the walk home stopped me to ask if i had a great class

holding my yoga mat i said, yes, i did thanks

and i kept walking.

a man clutching noisy toddlers on each hand

joked, 'y'all actin like you had a drink!'

as i walked into the corner store.

i forgot my money

but the cashier taught me how to use apple wallet

and i spent a moment reveling in that.

my roommates were already on the couch

sitting, texting, waiting for me

to start the next episode of bachelor in paradise when i got home.

today netted out at zero.

there were no lows, no highs,

no losses or wins

nothing extraordinary to me or anyone else.

just an unremarkable day,

for once

chloe wise

'literally me' series

im reading michelle tea's 'how to grow up,' a memoir about her evolution from punk to published writer which i actually purchased (used on amazon for $5) after reading a review that it is like getting advice from an older sister you never had. where would i be if i took this advice? probably writing a memoir. probably a published writer. probably a bit more grown up. it's been hard to put down, for every page i turn is another life lesson i could experience from the comfort of standing on the bus on my way home from work. i'm not sure a paragraph has ever resonated with me more:

"when it's hard for you to grow up--because you're poor and can't afford the trinkets and milestones of adulthood, or you're gay and the mating rites of passage don't seem to apply to you, or you are sensitive to the world's injustices and decided long ago that if being a grown-up means being an asshole you'll carry out your days in Neverland with the rest of the Lost Children, thank you very much--when adulthood seems somehow off-limits to you, growing up takes time. you have to want it, and then you have to make a lot of changes. some changes you make consciously and some without knowing it, and some changes get made for you. it's so much work i forgot i was even engaged in it; it just became life."

now, my best ideas take the form of abstract images or metaphors that sink into my pysche and stand in for what the thing really is. most recently, growing up makes me picture michaelangelo chiseling down david's supple boy body, making him a man. by removing, by paring down, you sophisticate. it's like the idea that boxes breed creativity, because nothing is more motivating than being stuck in a box. we thrive on limitations; it's what reveals our inner strength. and in a world full of choice--where surviving is the easy part, and choosing is what's hard--we don't have enough limitations to want to break free of any of them. maybe growing up is creating your own.

i havent bought cheese from the store in almost a year. with that comes a renewed interest in the phrase "anything is possible." if i can chisel something out of my life that i used to eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner (and second dinner), then what else am i capable of? what dairy-free opportunity awaits in my midst? when you remove one of your top priorities in life, what will move up in its place?

we are looking at david's defining features - his tight torso. his puckered-in stomach, his toned arms - and are thinking about him beating goliath.

~ ~ ~

definitions

writing is the engineering of language

using precise placements to erect the beams and bridges of society

friendship is making history together
having people to share your stories with 

and keep past experiences...existent.

friendship is a way to source your memories,
to correct each other on them

technology just saves you time

to spend more time on your technology

music is the massaging of emotions

working out knots of feelings

kayaking is the biking of the arms

biking is the kayaking of the legs.

~ ~ ~

today's featured artists: matthias brown, peter tarka, fredrik söderberg, cinta vidal, kidmograph